Sunday, 22 June 2014

Journal: 22/6/2014 Baggage

For some reason I've been doing that comparison thing again.

Nothing sets you up failure more than comparing yourself to anyone else.

I know this and I've known it for a long time. For most of life I've been happy to be me. I've never wanted to be anyone else or to look like anyone else.

But the longing to be different and not be who I am right now is what leads me to feel disappointed in myself. The fact I know I'm acting out of character yet I continue to go with it also disappoints me.

I don't.think.that there is worse emotion to feel than disappointment as it is on a par with despondency.

Of all the things I need to do, the main thing is to stop punishing myself and drowning my emotions with food.

Something that is easier said than done.

Tuesday, 17 June 2014

Journal: 17/6/2014

It's fair to say it all went a bit tits up.

I've not so much fallen off the wagon. As parked it up, lost the key, forgotten where I've parked it and what it looks like.

I feel even bigger than before. All puffy and hard/inflated. Not good.

The trip that I started this journey for has now been cancelled. However, I still have other things I want to do but can't due to my size. It's sad, but true.

I was brave and got on the scales this morning. I've gained 6lb from my last weigh in. So I am currently 26st 5.5lb.

Officially massive. I have still got my 11lb loss so haven't wiped out all my work yet.

This week I'm full of cold so am steering away from my usual 5:2 kick start and instead I'm attempting to get my head there mentally instead. It could take a while.