New Year, New Plan

I've been exceedingly lax on this site.

For that I apologise.

I'm not a great dieter at the best of times, and managed to gain and lose and gain the same weight last year again, and again, and again.

This year I'm not making that mistake.

I am swallowing my pride and returning back to Slimming World on Monday.

Here I will post the odd diary piece, and the odd recipe. I won't talk about the nitty gritty of the plan or quote syn values. Those are the bits I find change far too frequently for it to be worth my while updating my entries each time it changes.

I have done Slimming World plans before and know that it works for me. I just hope that this time I can follow the plan without getting bogged down and stressed out over the syns which is what happened last time and did a lot of damage to my mind.

Tell me what else you would like to see in this blog and I will see if I can incorporate your ideas.

Follow me on twitter @dietbeebee

Neglect

I've really neglected this side of my blog.

I'm trying hard to put everything in line and work out a way of doing this for life.

I'm stepping away from 5:2 for a little while, and I am still having flashbacks from when I used to be part of a slimming group. My mind is somewhat warped. But then I did spent from the age of 16 to my mid 30s trying to live by their rules. It works for some, but not for me.

What I do know is that it needs to stick.

I have been looking for inspiration and I've now got my fitbit to log my activity (I'll let you into a secret there hasn't been much of that today at all).

The weather today is grim and my mood is blacker still. I'm not sure why. On paper I should have everything I want. The husband, the kids, the house, a job... but something just isn't gelling.

I feel so low, and I'm not sure what I can actually do about it any more.

Journal: 22/6/2014 Baggage

For some reason I've been doing that comparison thing again.

Nothing sets you up failure more than comparing yourself to anyone else.

I know this and I've known it for a long time. For most of life I've been happy to be me. I've never wanted to be anyone else or to look like anyone else.

But the longing to be different and not be who I am right now is what leads me to feel disappointed in myself. The fact I know I'm acting out of character yet I continue to go with it also disappoints me.

I don't.think.that there is worse emotion to feel than disappointment as it is on a par with despondency.

Of all the things I need to do, the main thing is to stop punishing myself and drowning my emotions with food.

Something that is easier said than done.

Journal: 17/6/2014

It's fair to say it all went a bit tits up.

I've not so much fallen off the wagon. As parked it up, lost the key, forgotten where I've parked it and what it looks like.

I feel even bigger than before. All puffy and hard/inflated. Not good.

The trip that I started this journey for has now been cancelled. However, I still have other things I want to do but can't due to my size. It's sad, but true.

I was brave and got on the scales this morning. I've gained 6lb from my last weigh in. So I am currently 26st 5.5lb.

Officially massive. I have still got my 11lb loss so haven't wiped out all my work yet.

This week I'm full of cold so am steering away from my usual 5:2 kick start and instead I'm attempting to get my head there mentally instead. It could take a while.

Day 30: Journal 14/5/2014

I'm going to hang my head down.

This week has not been a good one.

Time is very sparse due to other non-bloggy commitments. Something had to give... sadly it was my asides and my weighloss.

I'm not going to lie, last week's maintain rocked me. To the core. I threw my toys, dummy and bedding out of my pram and sulked and binged and lived on biscuits and takeaways.

And I can tell. My uniform trousers are tight again, I feel lethargic, just lumplike overall. It has not been  a good week.

I gained 6lbs in just 6 days.

Now I have to face up to it. And do something about it.

I'm back to an overall loss of 17lbs.



and am almost into the 26 stone category again. Thankfully I managed to stop just in time.

So it's a case of onwards and downwards from here on in.

Day 24: Food Diary 8/5/2014

Day 24: Journal 8/5/2014

 I'm still reeling from yesterday's result.

I've had some binge issues to say the least. Lots of sugar.

And I mean lots of sugar. I'm going to have to rein it in tomorrow. I can't undo everything I have achieved so far. Right now though I am fighting the urge to eat my way to the bottom of a biscuit barrel or chocolate box.

Being at work today didn't keep my from my worst self today. It had been doing so well at distracting myself during office hours for it to crash now is disappointing.